It is common for surviviors to pretend they re ok, and the life they have is the way it has to be for every human being.
That's the truth. I think it goes beyond "pretend", though. Kind of like a kid raised by monkeys. Is he pretending that life is normal? Or is it the only life he knows, so he believes it's normal?

I remembered nothing until I got married. The subject of abuse came up, and I remember sitting on my poor wife's lap, rocking back and forth saying, "Nothing happened to me, nothing happened to me..." Like that's normal for an adult man. The other issue, I think, is when and how it happens.

We interrupt this post to say: None of this means you were abused. Only you can figure that out. I, too, had only a trail of clues. It's quite possible for me to be completely messed up simply by having a messed up family that showed no emotion, that put excessive emphasis on food or body image or whatever, that felt one thing while showing another. There are all kinds of things that our crazy families do to us. What things were done to you? Only you know that.

What I was saying, though, is that we think with words. Take away the words, and what have you got left? Emotions, gut feelings. The emotions are true, and maybe I'll never have words or mental photos to accompany those emotions, because maybe I was too young or couldn't allow those ideas into my consciousness, but the emotions are true.
I was raised in a great home, with great parents, and a great life.
Nothing happens in a vacuum. Notice my signature regarding truth.

Take care of yourself. We're here for you.

"This search for the truth--it's not for the faint of heart."--Goren on 'Law & Order: CI'
"The former things will not be called to mind, nor will they come up into the heart."--Isaiah 65:17