I rarely if ever dried for decades. Death of loved ones, no tears. Anything extremely touching, no tears. In my head, I conciously remember thinking that I would not allow myself to cry over my abuse. That meant my perps had won. What I didnt realize was that they HAD won. I was making no one more miserable than myself.
I think the first time I can remember crying was a little while after i first came to MS. I was overwhelmed by the number of guys that had suffered as much or more than I had. I was not alone, and while this comforted me, I was sad because so many guys had been carrying this stuff around.
A little while after I began seeing a T, a few times in a session, my eyes may get moist, but no tears. I really didn't think I had anything to cry over. Nothing seemed to really matter enough to cry over in my own life.
Several things occurred that made me cry again.
When my son died, it was too much. I literally cried for hours straight. My eyes felt like they were on fire! I cried for days.
Afterwards I was still seeing my T, and I would cry, couldn't help it. He told me it was normal, that is why all the rooms had boxes of Kleenex in them.
Now I do cry at times. Sometimes I wish I didn't cry as much! I can cry listeneing to music now. I can cry if I see something really cool or really sad. I can feel now, and so if being embarrassed by some tears is all I have to deal with, then it's worth it!
Hauser, it is not something you can will yourself to do. One day it will just happen and when it does, it will scare the hell out of you, and shock you, but when your cry is over, you will feel like a new man.