I may be a survivor, but I am still not sure if what happened classifies as abuse. Maybe someone on this forum can clarify my situation.
When I was about 12-13, I and my one year older brother used to sleep in the same bad. One night before falling asleep he convinced me to play having sex, and he simulated anal penetration. This happened a couple more times in the same time period, as far as I remember.
Now, 20 years later I am not sure what impact those activities had on me. I know that at the time I did not feel bad about the incidents at all -- I simply accepted it, and thought it was normal. At the time I did not feel traumatized, sad, angry, lacking self esteem, or a victim in any way. In fact, in the following years I developed very strong self esteem as I did very well in school.
I was so unconcerned about those early sexual experiences that I even forgot about them, and only recently remembered them while probing into my past.
However, I have developed somewhat extreme sexual patterns -- porn addiction, strip clubs, etc, even while married to a beautiful woman who I love very much. Frankly, I do not understand my sexual behavior, and I am wondering if such early sexual experiences could be the root.
I would appreciate an answer from someone with more experience.