I think my husband was raped by a woman. I don't know what the encounter might be called. He was close, intimate, physically affectionate (kisses, hugging, massages etc) with this woman. He loved her 'like a sister' in his words. They had an ongoing emotional affair for about 5 years previous to the incident. She is an old high school girlfriend of his, she is married.
He says that one night, he was very drunk, and she took advantage of him. He says he did not want the encounter at all, and did not have any feelings of attaction towards her in that way at all. Was he raped? He said did not feel trauma from the event, he said it was disturbing, but put it behind him.
His relationship with the woman continued in the same manner after the encouter, including the physical affection and emotional closeness. He has stated that he does not feel it was rape, since it was not violent. Also, he does not remember what happened at all - he found out from another friend later what had happened. He has suggested he may have been drugged. He doesn't feel there is any outlet for men with issues like this, and that society would dismiss his feelings if he tried to bring up to someone that he felt he was raped. So I have gone looking for help, and found this forum. Is this a place he may find help for what happened to him? And why would he not feel trauma about the event? He says since he does not remember the incident, he does not feel traumatized by it. He does say he feels victimized by the woman, and that she brainwashed and manipulated him.
He was unable to tell me about this incident, I found out about what happened from a mutual friend 4 years ago. He refused to speak about this incident except for saying he felt shame about it and uncomfortable around her husband. Now, 4 years later he is speaking about it a little, and I'd like to try to help him. What can I do to help him talk about it? He has never confronted the woman.