One of my abusers was my father. Severe physical and emotional abuses, and some sexual also (that is a bit foggier, as I remember it as someone disocciated, not as 'myself'). I have not seen him, to talk with him, since I was 10. He has called me a few times, we have communicated in that way a few times in last 5 years, and I have given him money (for what, I don't really know, but whatever). But I have not seen him, I have never confronted him, and I have not even spoke to him in few years now. He lives in another country, and at one point, when I was there for an event, I did actually seek him out, and just watched him one day, going to work, coming home. Yes, I followed him, stupid, but it was what I was capable of at the time.

I have an event in this country, near to the city he lives in, next month. I am contemplating confronting him on the past shit. Problem is, I have no idea what I would say to him. I have no idea what I would expect from it, other than to maybe vent and exorcise some demons. I would not be expecting an apology or anything from him that any half decent human being would offer. I think perhaps it is a perverse thing, that perhaps I want to do this mainly to see the look on his face as I do it, for him to recognize his past, his past actions, and that I am a grown man now and he can't do shit to me.

But, that gets back to before. What do I say? Where to start? So I thought I would pose it here. I have seen it here as a subject before, but I can not find it, I think it was some years ago. So here it is again.

What would YOU say to your abuser(s), if you had the chance to confront him/her/them? What questions would you want answered, what comments would you make, what would you want them to know about you and your life? Would you want them to know how hard it is been for you, or would you want them to think that you are just so strong, you have dealt with it flawlessly? I realize that everyone's answers will not work for me, as we are all different. And truly, I do not know I will do this, and what even my motivations of it are, whether to give him a chance to try to explain himself, or am I just wanting to do a mindf**k on him? Not sure. And I would not do anything until I better understand my own motivations. But I thought I would put this out here, for now, to start a discussion on it, and see what kind of thoughts, answers, and comments others would be thinking important to them.

Thanks, in advance.


Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963