Our church service yesterday was on the topic of CSA and the damage it causes to our interior worlds. I am a member of the staff and knew it was coming. As the service drew near, I started experiencing fear and anxiety. I really wasn't sure how I was going to react. One of the interview is with a close friend of mine as we have shared exstensively about our childhoods.

As the service and the interviews started, I found myself disconnecting my emotions. Ok, I totally disconnected after the first few minutes.

We have two indentical services back to back. By the end of the second service. I started experiencing rectal pain (I was raped on more than one occasion). I have never remembered that pain, before. I've also not been aware of how I disconnect emotionally before yesterday.