I don't know why I had to come here. I just have so many feelings going through my head right now as I am online. I am sitting here naked, staring at the computer..anyone else ever do this naked? I don't know what I'm thinking. Sorry that was uncalled for. I feel raw. I feel down. I feel lonely. I feel like another memory is trying to force it's way back to my thoughts instead of staying where it should. How could there be ANY more! I want to open up more on here. I need male friends. But I am so scared. Men...in my life...neighbors, step father, others, and then a sexual assualt...they all wanted the same thing. Geez, I am lucky that my wife and I have sex at all. Come to think of it...thats been off too. Started back at the gym.....swimming but I don't talk with anyone unless they talk first and there hasn't been anyone to start. I know I "appear alright" to others but on the inside I am ...I am....I am not sure what to say to complete that. I have the place to myself here for a while. I am going to put on a "Ocean" sounds CD, light a candle and sit in the tub with the water running down on me. Maybe thats it I feel ..dirty...I feel like I am about to cry. The phone is turned off, a chair is under the doorknob...no one is going to disturb me. I needed to make contact here. I need to feel like there are some other men who know how this feels.