So...we've been faced with a problem...our extended family wants to know how to deal with my husband's perp (his cousin) because none of them want contact with him. they've been avoiding his calls and'd think he'd get a clue. (though he has not tried to contact us). he does not live near any of us.

none of us have told him that the abuse is known in husband's immediate family. maybe his cousin blocked it out...or maybe he realizes that they all know by now and wants to 1. deny it or 2. blame husband 3. excuse it

for whatever reason, it's pretty disturbing. my spouse doesn't want to confront him (or even let him know at the moment that he has told our families. extended family does not know about it.

does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with this? his family is not pressuring him to make contact with him or anything. they would just like suggestions on how to deal with him. i'm feeling a bit clueless about how to deal with it. mostly i just want to protect him from having to make contact with the cousin since he's really just started to find the connections between the abuse and their effects in his life.

i just don't want him to feel like he has to acknowledge the abuse before he is ready to. he doesn't seem to be angry at the cousin which i am guessing to be minimizing, but the rest of the family wants no further contact. i am so afraid the cousin will deny anything or tell the extended family, thereby damaging my husband further.

i thought about asking if he wanted me to send the cousin an email and just ask him at this point to quit contacting the family. would this be helpful or not? or would it be best to stay out of it?

any commments or suggestions?


I was silent as a child, and silenced as a young woman; I am taking my lumps and bumps for being a big mouth, now, but usually from those whose opinion I don't respect. - Sandra Cisneros