Welcome. As Kelly said, those first posts are very difficult - you should be very proud of yourself.
I agree with Kelly - the abuse itself maybe over fairly quickly, but the effects are life long. How do you "get back on the horse"? With your swimming incident, you were in control of the situation - it was traumatic, but you faced the fear and got back in the water.
With the abuse, you feel ashamed, and guilty and dirty... but mostly, you feel out of control. How can you deal with something you are terrified to think about, let alone talk about?
We may all have different experiences here, but we all have one thing in common... we understand what it is like to feel all those terrible, scary feelings - there is no judgement here, just good people who care, understand and are all trying to heal the little boys inside of us.
I am so glad you found us
"You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."