I was molested repeatedly between the ages of 4 -5 and again at 7 by a cop. All were male. By the time I was 13 I did not have low self esteem It was more of a belief that males could NEVER be OK. Ever. Unless, they were gay. It was presented to me that 95% of the population is gay. My mom made a comment when I put a Farrah Fawcett poster at 11 - "Well, we know HE's not gay" Now, at 44, I contemplate the fact that most men and women are heterosexual (me included). Different groups use statistics to make their point come out ahead. That stuff is not what I ambout. I'm still struck by the fact that women not only don't have deep hatred for males (me), but that they like them.

SO ... 2 Questions
When I was 8 y/o there was this girl who was tall and pretty, had cute outfits and smile and I Iiked her. I didn't know what that meant. but I liked her.

When your an 8 y/o Gay person, is it similar except that you feel these things to boys / girls. Don't focus too much on ages because I could be way off.

I asked that question to ask this one: Didn't that suck? To have feelings you didn't (necessarily) understand, though I guess you had to learn to hide it.

I'm not gay. That is, I'm not attracted to other males. I'm trying to understand how my terror of being "label" gay impacted my life.


"There is always hope."