It has been a hard week for me here at Male Survivor, at home and at work and it all came to a head last night when my boss tried to give me two day off. I work at a electronic company building circuit boards and usually work alone on a machine. Once in a great while I am forced to go work on the Wave which is a moving line with 7 other people. I hate that job and the last time I worked the wave I all most had a panic attack. I talked with the guys in my Healing Circle and they gave me good tips on how to control myself which I used last night.
Someone else set up my station on the wave and all the id tags for the parts weren't showing so I was having a hard time making sure I had the correct parts. Forgetting where I was,
I said out loud, Boy is this ever F*****.
I didn't think anything of it until 30 minutes later when my line leader,Peggy, came and took me into the office. The head boss Russ told Peggy to write me up and send me home for 2 days. Man everyone uses that word around there but now I am being written up.
I started triggering out. One of my issues have ales been having respect for authority. I have none, don't trust anyone in authority and only respect them if they earn it. This all goes back to when I was 11 years old and told on Father R. I was told back then by the church board that I was unbelievable.
Little Tommy came ragging out last night and he demanded that,Russ confront us. We thought that the two days off was way excessive. I could feel little Tommy trying to take control and that wouldn't of been good. He would of told Russ off and I would of been fired for sure. So many time in the past his anger got me into trouble. I have learned so much these last few years and was able to control Tommy's anger. It was like I had two minds, what Tommy wanted to say and what Tom did say. In the end Russ torn up the paper work and I went back to work. It felt so good to be able to control this and get a positive result.
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence