Though I've never cut myself, I think I can understand the desire to do it. Someone who has done it told me it's a way to feel, and to be aware of being alive. It's pretty horrible when the only way to drown out other kinds of pain is through physical pain.
I too congratulate you on not having done it since December, and pray that you will continue to find better ways to deal with the hardships of healing than through cutting yourself. You have friends here, and need not be ashamed of anything. Though the variations are different, a lot of us either numb the pain or deal with it in healthy ways, which we're now doing.