Greetings again to people here. I am sorry that will seem that I arrive here only to ask to help, and to not do so much, to help whom - or still. I really read here more than one even, and I start to understand still a part of that it is told here, in reading it. I only do not know how properly to speak in the answer, but I know, that - not the justification, I am sorry it.
I only come back from on holiday in some days with two friends. It was very good thing, time to weaken, see new things, to like to be far normal life. It was very pleasant, and I am grateful, that we have made it. They are two friends from whom I think more than my own family which is distinct from my sister.
The problem, is returning to ' the normal world '. You cannot really clean all within several days and tell not, I shall sleep good and eat good and to not have any trouble that is and I shall not have any bad ideas during this time. It - strong attempt but to not work.
I struggle with dream. Dreams of negative things, recent and old. I am not afraid of it, I think, that I usually accept from this. But it carries in me.
I struggle with the foodstuffs. I always had a problem (release) with meal in which I cannot eat some things, not causing there is more than difficulty for me. But, to speak it it is graceful, I have the big difficulty with the foodstuffs right now. I have difficulty to have that - feeling of something in my mouth except for a liquid. I have lost some weight which has forced me to feel like weaker and more inconvenient. But the majority of time to hold the foodstuffs in general in my mouth, it causes me fear, disgust, and I feel need(requirement) to be ill it. It which the majority of my abusing in a sexual manner was my mother, and only little male offenders, I am not sure concerning why it is so bad for me. But I think it is that it ' feel ' as that, of male abuses in past.
It is difficult, to stand every day with a pain. A physical pain, I shall see the expert soon for this purpose. An emotional pain, I see the therapist. I speak with my friends here which I know, can understand how anyone can, and are very useful to me. I feel selfish as I know, that it - not only I facing to these problems (releases). I know, I read here, other people which have transferred so the worse abusings and disrespect. I feel unwillingness to speak how I feel not worthy complaints.
How it should erase these feelings, or do(make) by their easier? It is a little more difficulties, they will arise for the following some months, both physical and emotional. The stream, I is absolutely not confident, that I can address with them properly. I do not wish to be failure. I do not wish to be weak. But I do not know now only, what I.
Thanks to listen, I regret, that I - not such good friend here.
(edit because getting help to clear the thoughts of what is said here)