Nothing's happened but I just want to vent anyway. On one hand I think of how wonderful it would be if H healed and we finally got a connection to each other.

On the other hand I don't mind saying I sometimes fantasize about ending it. Telling him it's over, I'm done, sorry, and moving on with my life. In a way that would be so nice! His lack of feelings and communication just drag me D O W N. I feel so weighted down by it all. He is never uplifting to talk to, always sounds sort of depressed, just brings me down.

So I just am going to indulge in imagining what it would be like to end it. It's not really what I want....but sometimes I wonder what it would be like....and have the hope of meeting someone who would be uplifting to be around....or no one at all, just a life that is more peaceful.

?? I think I'm just tired tonight. I have bronchitis also and know that's part of it. Sometimes I think if someone told me I have only 10 more yrs to live, I sort of would want to know what it would be like to live on my own before I die, and to have the chance to have a different sort of life, either with someone else or alone. Part of me feels excited at the idea of it.

I don't know why I am thinking this way tonight; I'm sure it's just a phase, an indication of how tired I am.


It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2