you are not alone. I have been there and am there now. You are right, It's all on them. Seems like sometimes we just have to deal with it. That's why this sucks. It's the continued effects of the abuse, only now you're abused too. It's like some kind of
yuk, hopelessness, anger, crazy thing that all of a sudden, suprise its yours. you didn't ask for it or want it but there it is. Abuse is like that for them, I would think and when it happens as a kid, God only knows how that must feel. I recently made a decision to remove myself from our home. Not our relationship, just our home. That was my choice. Was it based upon the craziness or our life and our reactions to this and other related issues, YES. but it was my choice.
You MUST make the one that is right for you. Stay or Go, Hang or not. Make that decision for what you need and want. He will make a decision for him. If you love him, i hope it's one you both want. I struggle evry day between understanding and feeling lost.
I will find my way and you will too!
Thios place helped my to ride the rollarcoaster of CSA and some days I win and some I don't.
My favorite saying is.." Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results".

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results."

I cannot take your steps, but I can walk beside you, if you'll let me.