I want to first tell all of you,you're remarkable woman/men to help me understand from a womans/mans as well perspective the damage i can/will do if lisa finds out about this manipulitive ways with naked pics from the "other woman" who i could ultimately end up in the shittubes as a result of my careless behavior.

I do however like porn but i also am very aware that it's one thing to view it once in awhile it's another to view it often then i know i shouldn't be.

On the other hand looking at those pics from the other woman could indeed devivstae her and for me to do this would truly rip me apart and although i know,as others have told me many times have a way with words i can tell you as sure as i know my own name i am feeling real bad about this entire incident i caused.

My hope is ( and it will be if i stay true to myself) is to cut all ties with this self defeating behavior.

Do you agree with me(although i essentially don't need your approval) when i type can you see and feel the meaning behind the "words" ....i know words are words but i also i feel terrible and if i can cut all connections with her i can somehow in the future tell her(lisa that is) what i did,although she and i have had this agreement with each other "say what's on your mind and we'll clean it up later" ....sounds good i know but it is really bothering me to even let it out not to mention how it might come across.

I know in some form or other i cheated(or did i) and i feel like a fuckin hypocrite therefore i'll talk at length with my therapist and see what she thinks or feels i should do...

I DO NOT want any secrets in our relationship and at this point i think this is precisely one.

what do you think

do you feel i should tell her

do you think it's better off left alone

i'm not sure if it will help or hurt her

i am filled with fear whenever i look in her eyes because i am awaiting for her to confront me with it then i am really fucked....i need some help.

Any suggestions would really make a difference for me in my life and lisa's especially.


" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "