hello - thanks everyone. I never spoke about any of this before. my gf kind of knows about it and she trys to get me to talk sometimes but I cant and when she pushes I find myself getting angry, then isolate myself and wont talk to her or anyone for days. I guess I sort of feel like it was my fault that it happened in the first place. The police said something about being at the wrong place at the wrong time and that I shouldnt worry about it much in fact they kind of blew me off, that bothered me a lot but I never said anything. after it happened my parents kind of blew me off too, dad disowned me and mom is just too embarrassed to talk to me about it, I can see the way they look at me too, in digust, like I am a monster. I hope this isnt hard to follow, sorry if it is.