I just wanted to share a few things. I'm going to keep part of this vague since this is going on the public side. But in the last couple of weeks I have seen evidence in my life of the existence of a higher power.
First things first, to give you an idea of where I'm at right now... I'm currently preparing myself for something I never thought I'd do: to tell my parents about the abuse. I once swore on my life that they'd never find out. I can't believe how far I've come. My fears over the past few weeks have been steadily boiling down to the point where one thing stood in my way: my parent's complete lack of understanding when it comes to things like Childhood Sexual Abuse.
Yesterday my sister called -- she knows and is very supportive. She wanted to take my parents to her church, and by God's grace, they attended the service on Sunday morning. To my sister's surprise, the service of the day was dedicated largely to... none other than Childhood Sexual Abuse. My sister was calling to let me know that my parents had gotten something of a 2-hour 'crash course' on the awareness of CSA, and the church even handed out information packages to everyone in the congregation on how to support loved ones who have been through CSA, among other things. There were survivors telling their stories via videos as well as people who were in the building telling their personal stories and making everyone in the crowd that much more aware of how real CSA is, and how close to home it can hit.
Another thing that recently happened was that I made a decision to do something for my recovery that is rather costly -- and its not something I can afford at all. Again, a subtle push from a supernatural source has reached my life. I committed to this event not knowing how I was going to pay the remaining expenses of travel, time off work, etc. Later that very evening, I sold a website to a client who has been 'thinking about it' for literally years. That night however, she decided to come to my house, talk about it for a while, and committed to it. It's income on the side of my day-job which will hopefully provide just enough funds to cover motels & gas for the 2000 miles I'll be driving to attend.
It's really interesting to see these subtle things happen in my life. Doors are opening for me and my recovery and I know I'm on the right track. I'm absolutely terrified of walking through those doors still -- but to know they are open to me is a true blessing.
Anyways, its late. I should be signing off. Just thought I'd share some thoughts for you all.