You're such a sweet, innocent young boy. You're much too young to realize what is going on. I know that you are very big and very smart for an 11 year-old boy. I know you think you are wise to the world, but please believe me, the wisdom that you think you have comes only with years and years of being on this earth and knowing about people and the evil things that go on in their minds. It is impossible for even the smartest of 11 year olds to know such evil and sickness exists. Whatever tricks your mind is playing on you, you must remember and believe this: IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!
I know that this concept must be very difficult for you to understand and accept. I know you thought that you were getting over on him; that you were out smarting him. You wanted to look at those Playboy magazines. It was still not your fault! You liked looking at those beautiful naked women. You felt like you were a bad boy looking at the girls. He not only let you look at those magazines, he actually encouraged you to do it! He was manipulating you all the way. All young boys your age are curious and like to look at naked girls. That is perfectly normal. I know that you felt like you were committing a sin and you should go to hell, but you were being a normal 11 year-old boy. There was nothing wrong with you then and there is nothing wrong with you now. He was using his 37-year-old mind against you and he was also using YOUR 11-year-old mind against you too. You didn't stand a chance. You were no match for such an evil and sick man. He manipulated you and then he took advantage of you. It was not your fault! None of it! He was 100% responsible for everything that happened to you!
Brian, I'm so very sorry that these terrible, awful things happened to you. I wish I were there to protect you from this evil monster! He has caused you so much anger, hurt and pain. I'm so sorry I wasn't there. He would not have been able to hurt you if I was there. I would have stopped him. I would have called the police on him. They would have locked him up so he couldn't hurt you anymore. I know you thought he was your friend because he was nice to you. You didn't want him to go to jail, but you were too young to realize what damage he was doing to you. He was committing a crime and breaking the law. He didn't wear a mask, or dress up all in black or have a frown on his face all the time, but he was a criminal none the less! He smiled and was nice to you so he could trick you into thinking he was your friend. He was a criminal, an evil monster that belonged in jail.
You were so lonely. You just started a new school and hadn't made many friends yet. You didn't have a dad and your mom was working all the time. He knew all of this and used it to his own disgusting, perverted advantage. You didn't have anyone to talk too, and he was pretending to be your friend. I wish I were there to protect you. None of this would have happened if I were there. I would have not let him hurt you. I would have talked to you and been your best friend. That's all you wanted: someone to love you.
Brian, I'm sorry to say that you have a long and difficult road ahead of you. Your mind will play tricks on you for many years to come. Brian, please know that there are a lot of good people and things out there in the world. Don't let this terrible experience consume your entire life. There is help out there. You deserve to be happy and enjoy your life. Don't let the darkness overcome you and ruin your life. Fight back and live your life!!
God loves you and he wants you to live your life to the fullest and experience all the joy of his gifts. You Brian, are one of God's most precious gifts of all! He wants you to feel good about yourself. He wants you to grow up and enjoy your life. He wants you to become a policeman so that you can help people and protect children from mean and evil criminals. He wants you to fall in love with a beautiful woman and have your own family so that you can see what happiness and joy really is!
Brian, I'm going to be with you throughout this journey. I know there will be a lot of times when you are really scared; so scared that you are paralyzed with fear. I will be there to help you through the really tough times. I will be there to talk to you and be your best friend. I know that you really need someone to love you and believe in you. I will always love you and believe in you. You are God's precious gift: you are a miracle!
God Bless You,