i have often wondered, probably more on a subconcious level, if my sexuality was tied into the sexual assault by male perps. consciously, i knew that i acted out. although not as some, i did put myself in sexual situations that were unsafe for me or my partners. now as a gay man that respects himself more, i remain monogamous and use safe sex practices. i call it self love. it does not come overnight, but it's worth considering. as i appreciate myself more, i appreciate the simpler things that life has to offer.
the definitive answer to the question for me is that my sexuality and the csa that happened are two different entities that became morbidly fused together for so long. i have more insight into unfusing these incorrect ideas, but it is not easy. just wanted to share a little with you all. thanks.