Our ability to forgive as a victim is a first and the only believable sign of our personal recovery.
Otherwise we might have spent years in therapy, and wasted so many precious trying to put the pieces together and we’d still be as wounded as we might have started, and sometimes even more. As often digging deeper than necessary, only leaves us more wounded and broken inside.
The result? We remained filled with anger within, as our resident anger is only a symptom of wounds lying unhealed within. Our goal then, has to be healing ourselves and not get even with our abusers. They will be taken care of, by the wheels of Karma itself.
If we focus so much on the abuse and abusers we forget to live or heal ourselves. And continue to live the life our abuse condemned us to, we live our entire life as a victim.
Have you ever wondered why healing takes so long to occur in so many victims, when all we need to do, is to forgive and move on?
The answer I received is that even willingness to forgive comes with Grace.
Otherwise we continue to only fester our own old wounds, and live the life of hurts and repeated old wounds. It is a cycle every victim has to opt out of, on his own, and in his own time.
God’s time is eternity.
Because the ultimate lesson in surviving any kind of abuse of power is to know that the only power we have as human being is to switch from our physical and mental power to the power of the Self within - the power of our spirit within.
That is what the famous animation flick 'Final Fantasy - The Spirit within', elaborates so amiably. That the only true victory, we can ever achieve in life, is by surrendering and making peace to our demons within. That is when all the demons on the outside, disappear on their own.
It is tricky to understand, yet that is the way out according to me.
As for Grace, it comes easy with Humility.
As to forgive, we first need to be humble enough to receive the vision of our past follies that resulted in our present predicaments.
No soul is bright enough to condemn another fellow soul, and no soul is dark enough to not be retrieved from its darkness. We transcend as race only when we step into t he light together, no one would be left behind eventually, as that is what true Grace means, and does.
We are all in this together, what we hate in another so vehemently lies within us, till we make peace within, we will continue to fight this loosing battle.
As always, the true enemy lies within. And making peace within is the only known pathway to a healed self.
That is why Self forgiveness is what freeing ourselves from our own curse of the past. Only when we can forgive ourselves, do we find enough courage to forgive anyone else.
I have also realized that, as long as I remained angry, I could blame someone else for all the mess I personally brought myself into, but always had ready excuses for not going right out and making all the right efforts to save myself.
It is courage and humility to accept that we are as condemnable as human beings as any one else on earth, so what gives us the right to condemn any other?
We are equal in God’s eyes, as we are al sinners of the past and all his beloved children, he preferred no one to another.
Who know what we have gone through is also a part of a past retribution against us? So ask got to free yourself from the pain, and the first thing he will do is to give you the strength to forgive and move on.
If you cannot forgive, simply ask for help from the One who forgives us all instantly.
To learn to forgive, we need to be willing to let go the power of a righteous victim has - the power to condemn anyone who has hurt us.
Who knows what crimes of ours we are ourselves paying for in this life?
So to forgive, really is to forgive ourselves, as for anger when we really go to its core, we realize that all anger is merely emanating from anger at one self.
Otherwise we continue to speak the language of our past wounds for the rest of our lives, and keep the wounds alive and abuse continuing in various ways than we can ever understand right now.
What we do not let go stays with us, forever. It is our power to let go, only then we can free ourselves to step into the life we were meant to live, once the night is over.
That is why I believe the most breakthrough argument in healing is provided by Caroline Myss (herself a CSA survivor), in her landmark book - WHY DON'T PEOPLE HEAL.
Where she mentions that so much is the power of the victim archetype that it immobilizes us into our own worst nightmare, and we continue to recreate them, again and again, knowingly and unknowing, till we learn to willing let go. Till we are wiling to go down on our knees and ask for redemption ourselves, we stay victims forever.
Humility is one big lesson of being a victim, who else would have gone through most disempowering experiences in life, and still feel powerful because he has just connected with his inner power - the divine Self. There is no greater power than that, believe you me, not even the power to destroy all evil in our life.
Surrender is the most powerful tool, we human being will ever have, as what we embrace in ourselves dissolves completely. So when we accept whatever has happened to us, completely and it is gone forever.
We not just release our abusers; but also ourselves from memories of abuse, forever.
It is the gift of freedom we owe to our self, from our worst possible nightmare and our darkest prison.