I want so badly to express my anger that has always teaming up inside of me. I believe that that I have found a source forthe rage that I feel but can not or have not been able to expres; but findind guilt intertwined with just the people that I anger towards.
'These' People are relatives and trusted people or people that I felt at the time when nobody cared about pathetic Logan, were attentive towards me; they ared and gave me affection and compssion at a time when I longed for this sooooo much and could/did not recieve it from my own family who in there own way were distant at best and abussive at worse.
He told me I was special and gave me some sort of vale and selfworth-that means alot to a 7yo. But there was a price. at fisrt it seem harmless and a small price to pay for such warmth and affection. when he asked me to take off my shirt I felt a little wiered and uncomfortable but still a small price to pay me my 'freind.'
Now that I look back on it I was definatly Groomed to do the stuff he really wanted from me. When he asked me to take of my shirt because it would make him happy I felt a little bit uncomfortable but did it anyway--I did not for anything want to loae my emotional gold mine of affection that I recieved from him especial at a time when it was a refuge from home.
after the shirt came of it progressed from there with threats to leave me and abondon me and tell my parents what I had been doing leaving a mark of shame of what i had been doing and silencing me by his threats. had I said no more! this stops today! he said it was my fault. I believed him. I was only 8 yrs old!!
the story dose not end here but its all that i feel like writing writing ringht now.
Edited by Logan (02/20/07 05:49 AM)
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"