there have been moments where i feel like i am honestly myself -

the really weak one - the one who feels dizzy
and willowy - just blowing around -

then i feel all the shit they told me is right
and so at least i feel like i am what i am or what i was told - but that is bs - i know i have other abilities - moments of power too -

i know i have to survive -
and i know that mindset can be eradicated -
or at least kept at bay -

i remember the small kid's book -
"the little engine that could"

i keep saying to myself - like the small train engine said - when no one said he could do it -

"i think i can i think i can "

i feel kind of better after a while -

i am also very fatigued now -
and so i just need to take it easy somewhat -

i feel like if any of us get that way -
just tired and fatigued -

despondant - sounds naive? but try it -

don't let the terms you heard be the one's that resonate loudest -
in fact - if there is a nothingness beyond that

make that nothingness the focus -
and wait for that nasty memory to pass

i think i can i think i can


" not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous