As you have read already and I repeat, it was not your fault and you are not alone. We believe you. I still tremble and still am afraid espically when I have flashbacks.
Sometimes I hide in the corner of the room with my arms folded across my chest and somtimes I cry out in fear. On the outside I am 6' 3" tall but when this stuff happens I feel 4yars old again and I am 2' tall again. I did this last night.
I have found out that when you have these thoughts and memories like I did last night more and more, they lose their sting and you become less scared after awhile. They don't go away but you knoe the source and you can deal with them better.
Post when and If you are able. There are a bunch of supportive guys here that will really really care.
My best to you
I can't come to the phone right now, I am out living my life
*** WoR Retreat Alumni - Alta 2005 ***