Wow! I am blown away by the honesty here in all of the statements. Thanks everyone for sharing. So, my subject says what am I? I think I like the conclusion of "confused" more or less.
I was taken advantage of by a 16 y.o. with anal sex when I was 12 and it continued many times until I began to enjoy it. I had girl friends through high school but became obsessed looking at porn and having sex with other guys until I married at the age of 21. None of us ever acted gay. Most of my friends and I would have sex even after dates with our girls. Most of them grew out of it and I kept doing it until I married.
Now, I am 52 and have been married for 30+ years.
At the age of 48 due to the brashness of alcoholism I concluded that I was "gay". I told my wife. Ordered a gay lover from Hong Kong. We left the country for a year and lived together. He did not understand my alcoholism at all and found another lover from Scotland and left. I found another lover.
I was miserable. Nearly killed myself from drinking so much. Me and my second lover quarreled all of the time and could not stand living together so he moved out. I was lonely and drank more and more. I brought my wife over to where i was at and we worked though my alcolholism until I was able to stop. That was in December 2001. Since returning to the States I have not had any sexual relations with any guys. For 2 years I never looked at any porn. Then I started looking again.
It is a sporadic obsession with me.
I am not looking for a gay lover.
Dont particular want one.
Would I have sex if the opportunity arose?
Probably. Does that make me gay? No
Do I have sexual relations with my wife? No.
Because of health reasons? or what?
Do I gratify myself? Yes occasionally but it is not an obsession like looking at porn on the net.
The only porn I care to look at is pornography with male sex in it. After self gratification its over for several days. I would like to have freedom from this obsession. Does anyone have any advice on this topic? Would love to hear from you.
There, I have gotten that out of my system.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.