Hello, John,

Above all, I would encourage you to be gentle with yourself.

As a gay man who was sexually abused, I can say that it seems that I went through a long period of confusion about my sexual orientation also.

That leads me now to believe that the uncertainty and mixed feelings I suffered were a direct result of the sexual abuse.

As I focus my energy on recovery from the effects of the sexual abuse, my confusion and uncertainty lessened and my acceptance of my sexuality (whatever it was) grew exponentially.

Today I find myself to be reasonably well adjusted and to actually be able to experience some joy in the knowledge of myself as a sexual being.

My point is, keep it in mind that you are not seeking to recover from being you. You are seeking to recover from the trauma of abuse.

With those injuries healed and that trauma soothed, you will be fine, just as you already are.

I went through many, many years confused--gay, straight, in, out, hidden, disclosed--and it was not until I confronted the sexual abuse in a healing and self affirming manner that any meaningful change occurred.

Other 'coping mechanisms' as someone has said, turned out to be simply changing seats on the Titanic.

Hope this helps.


"Poke salad Annie, 'gators got you granny
Everybody said it was a shame
'Cause her mama was aworkin' on the chain-gang"

-Tony Joe White