Laim I presume you are here because you are a survivor just like us. I too have suffered from compulsive masturbation and fantasies. Looking back at it I think that it was my way to abuse (literally) myself for being aroused by SA and a re-enactment of that abuse. The fantasy and then the orgasm. The problem, I think, is rooted in the betrayal by our own bodies. If it felt good we must have wanted it. Well that is pure bullshit. I see that now. Masturbation is a very common thing with men and women. And they all have fantasies. Our problem is that our fantasies revolve around our sexual abuse.
What I do now is get up and do something else. Generally something that I enjoy. Exercise is a prime one.
Liam be gentle with yourself ok.
IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.