well.... it's not okay to be gay if you're not gay. I've had the same problems that Hikers wrote of above, and I've been struggling with them for some time -- intensely over the past several months. The presumption that if you have sex with a man, then you are gay is... oddly... wrong. I mean, on the face of things, the answer is, of course we are at least bi-sexual; but I've started to even dismiss that notion. I seek intimacy and love from women. In fact, I have had incredible relationships with women. If anything, I've thrown too much of myself toward them.... But, I have over the past couple of years started to investigate my sexual feelings toward men. And I've found that the only attraction that I can identify is that "recreation" of abuse that happened when I was 14 over a period of about 18 months. There is no doubt in my mind now that I have to resolve some old issues; BUT much doubt still remains in my mind about how I will ultimately learn to deal with men. While I have had a problem for many years in dealing with my male friends, I have not acknowledged it. Now, I realize that I must. I sorta look forward to the journey. But it is a strange one that seems kind of lonely right now.... I mean, to my knowledge none of my friends (or my brother) were sexually abused to the degree that I was. I doubt they'd get it. Or do they even need to know? It's the questions this stuff raises that are the most difficult. One leads to another. I wonder where normal life begins.