From the very beginning of my abuse history I recall disliking the fact that I was a boy, with predictable results for my self-esteem.

So another dimension to what you are saying: One thing that caught my childish attention was that the first thing the abuser went for the first time he abused me was my penis - sticking his hand down my underpants and then other things. On later occasions that remained the focus of his attention. So it was my penis, the symbol of my identity as a boy, that had attracted the abuse. I hated the idea that I had one even before I started feeling betrayed by erections and so on.


Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)