When I experience normal human emotions,
I don't allow myself to feel these feelings,
and accept them,
because I've internalized the abuse,
I experienced,
in which I was told to not feel and pretend everthing is okay.

I have a hard time tring to write my feelings down in a journal.

1. To perceive through the sense of touch. 2. To touch.
3. To experience (an emotion):

Yes number three.

= to be conscious of; perceive oneself to be.

= the nature, condition, or quality of something perceived,
physically, emotionally, mentally.

= relates to a person's perception of their condition of being.

Uniquely a immature youth's brain growth process is uncompleted, meaning not all the brainpower needed in making good judgments, making foolish and reckless decisions, result's in what many teens cannot walk away from, risky activities when being coaxed, having sex, alcohol, or drugs, because the last part of the brain to mature is the prefrontal cortex.

So I've been hurt physically,
sexually abused,
sodomized violently,
treated as if nothing happened,
then act as if nothing happened,
and as an immature adolescent,
physcally, emotionally, mentally:

preocupation with a fix idea
or unwanted feeling or emotion.

to harass or
beset like an evil spirit,
haunted as a fixed idea.

compulsive preoccupation with,
a fix idea or unwanted feeling or emotion, often with symptoms of anxiety.

compelling, forcing, coercion.

a philosophy that tells me not to listen
to physical problems.

denial of fact or fantasy,
"it is not so"
"it does not exists"
alibis, excuse, reasons,
creative resistance.

artificial behavior,
mannerism adopted,
showing pretense,
on bring about a change,
to make timid.

discourage or inhibit,
by threat,

to cause to move,
to drive.

an irresistible impulse to act,
regardless of the rationality of the motivation,
an act or acts performed in response to such an impulse.

mental status,
difficult, withdrawn, noncooperative,
anxious, angry, manipulative.

learning values,
ethics, morals, beliefs,
affection, love, touching, sex.

incestuous desires (attraction)
variety of unconscious
or deliberate mechanisms,
must be developed to control
(avoid) and deny (attack & repress)
these natural sexual feelings which are real.

All this to say,
I'm mentally slow,
I'm emotionally sad, \:\(
I'm physically hurt.

fmighell anc ak

[ November 15, 2001: Message edited by: fmighell ]