Hello everyone,

I would like to tell you a little bit about my history.

While my mother was pregnant with me and my twin brother, the Doctors put her on an anti-seizure medication called Dilantin. I was born with several congenital defects. My twin brother died a month after we were born.

I was born with severe facial disfigurement including a clift palate and cleft lip, stunted cerebellum growth, an imperforated anus and chrionic ear infections. Some parts of my skull grew too much and other parts of my skull were just malformed. My twin brother looked like a perfectly healthy baby, but he was in my father's words, "a vegatable". My mother told me that my twin died from SIDS.

The surgeon who operated on my anus, botched the operation which as a result left me incontinent during my entire childhood and into my teens.

My facial disfigurement lasted for the first 22 years of my life with a few surgical operations throughout that time period. The biggest change took place when I was 22. After my face healed from the last operation, The Reconstructive Cranialfacial Surgeon told me for the first time in my life my skull was now anatomically correct. He then went on to brag that my skull is a product of science, not of nature. Much of the material under the skin of my face is comprised of metal plates and bolts instead of just being comprised of 100% bone matter. No, I do not set off metal detectors at airports. I was never sent to a Psychologist to prepare me for the change before it happened and my parents forbade me to seek help in adjusting to my newly changed skull afterwords.

I experienced physical, sexual, emotional and mental abuse nonstop for the first 22 years of my life. I was treated like a monster. When guests would come to the house during my childhood, I was either chased into the woods. locked in the attic or sent to the cellar of our house.

I was not allowed to touch anyone. As a child I did not really know what it was like to be hugged of kissed on the cheek. When I was 3 years old, I tried to hug my father. He kicked me so hard I actually flew backwards. I never made an effort to touch anyone again. When I was 5, my mother caught my paternal grandmother holding me. My mother berated her and hit me. My mother told me not to ever let anyone touch me again.

Things only got worse when puberty set in. My body was going through changes and no one explained what was happening to me. The only way I learned about puberty was from the books I read. This is also when the sexual abuse started.

After I became anatomically correct, my family and all those other people I knew treated me like a human. I was no longer thought of as a monster. I was angry at my family and a lot of other people for many years after the change in my appearance.

I did pay a price for the operations I experienced. I now have trigeminal neuropathy, migraine headaches and hearing impairment. Another price is that of added vulrunability. If I am ever hit in the head or face, I will die within a few minutes.

I just wanted to provide some backround infor mation about how I became who I am.