Men had felt unsafe in the MaleSurvivor forum because some women might post there. Some women actually did post there, but when asked to refrain, they did so.
I specifically sought women as therapists and counsellors, so I really didn't have a problem with women posting there. It makes some men feel unsafe, though, so then I did have a problem with it.
Problem - Some guys could feel unsafe here.
Solution - Women stopped (past tense) posting in that forum.
It looked to me like we had solved that problem. We, as in the people who make up this online community, male and female, survivor and pro-survivor alike.
Apparently there was some discussion of the proper division of the chat rooms among male survivors and others. I hope the chat page, maybe the applet itself, can be modified to make clear which areas are reserved for Male Survivors. From what I see online tonight, there is a tradition regarding who chats where.
It seems time to codify the tradition into policy.
I do not know the details of what happened. I got my information "third hand." All I know is that someone who came here looking for help in chat did not get help at all. I do care about that someone.
At our best we (see above) are the single best resource online for male survivors and everyone who shares life with some male survivor(s). That is not what showed through last night.
I do not want to blame anyone. I feel bad because a man who needed the kind of help we can provide found something else. This site is personal to me. That man matters to me. I want the best for both.
Boundaries are a tough issue for me. My wife and my psychologist say I am too literal minded. If that trait is common to other survivors, then perhaps some very explicit guidelines on the chat screens would help.
It really pains me to think about the man who came to chat last night finding more pain himself. I don't want that to happen again, especially if we can prevent it with some additional text describing how to use chat. I want this place to be as helpful for him as it has been for me. I hope that if he tries to come here again, he catches us at our best. He deserves that. We all do.
I'm putting this in Off Topic so anyone who wants to reply can feel free to do so. I've stated my opinon. It's my opinon.
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse