I am a 32 year old survivor with very apparent dissociation, and I am a full time student at our local university. I'm wanting validation and/or correction for something.
My studying habits suck.
Before I ever started focusing on my incest issue, I could easily hide away in a topic of study. I could swim in the world of education, psychology, science, or whatever. I would literally get lost. I was out there. Not forever of course. Real life happens.
Now I am trying to focus on four courses, not one, and I have "ideas" strewn out everywhere. I mean that figuratively, for the literal is that my binders and books are everywhere. When I see one binder, I think of this subject; this book, that one. But I always got lost in them. Anyway, my room is a fricken mess with stuff everywhere.
What I am remembering is how we "compartmentalize". I can hide here, OR there, OR there. But too many things at once and I am slammed. The work I've got to do isn't hard. THE REALITY SWITCHING IS!
Now I'm married. She forces me to be in the real world around her, whether it's vocal or not. Living in la-la land creates terrible distress for us, and it hurts her. That affects us tremendously. Two weeks ago my wife and I were together and she asked calmly, "how much studying did you actually do this week?" I had had about three days (20 hours) to work on homework, but I probably only did 2-4. I told her so, and I bowed my head. I explained how frustrating it is for me trying to focus. I had spent at least 10 hours over the week reading, writing, and contacting people concerning my incest issues. That was EASY to focus on. It was like--real to me. So she realized it and we made a decision to face these issues to the best of our ability. She has been making a lot of calls for me while she is at work looking for help.
Finally, in all of this I still don't know what "real" studying is. Studying has always meant going into a whole other world, safe and predictable. I'm in between somewhat, and I'm not getting the same feeling I used to get. God, this sucks. Who can relate?