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#515615 - 09/25/17 03:25 PM Totally off topic...
Greg56 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/14
Posts: 154
Loc: Upstate NY
My eldest brother(not my abuser) and his wife at the time, had a son....my brothers pride and joy...my brother lived down stairs and went to Georgia for the winter. His son and family lived in the upstairs, of the same house


Last year they had problems between them, and this year became even worse. I didn't realize how bad it was, until his son purchased another home.

Now, I know my brother is a "fighter" and very vengeful. But until yesterday, I didn't realize how far he would go. He took his dead wife's ashes, which were buried under a large Maple tree (her favorite)...and sprinkled them inside his son's new home.

I was shocked...I've been sick last night and today about it. Such a vile and despicable act. I can't get my head around it. I spoke with his son for just a moment (he obviously didn't want to talk about it), to tell him how sorry I was about this. I can't ask him to forgive his father for this atrocity. I know it is not my problem or guilt. I know I can't fix this. I can't see this as in any way forgivable.

I thought by writing this down and possibly getting some feedback from the people that I trust, that I may be able to get some peace.

Thank you for listening
Greg
_________________________
"I am here...they are not...I own my strength and power...they do not"

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#515619 - 09/25/17 04:44 PM Re: Totally off topic... [Re: Greg56]
Chris4TheMill Offline


Registered: 05/16/17
Posts: 417
Loc: NY / NJ Area
My first thoughts are that yes, this is a despicable and disrespectful act and also kind of gross....like, eew.
I gave my brother my mother's ashes and the thought of dumping them onto someone or onto their stuff strikes me as being a very aggressive and even hateful act.

My 2nd thought is that through this act, it seems that your brother is trying to "rid himself" of his wife and the child he had with that wife.
Like he is wanting to be free of them completely. The fact that he actually dug up her ashes shows that he was very determined to put the mother and child together in a way that says "here's your mother, now the two of you, get away from me."

We don't know what sparked the animosity to this level, but all we can go by is looking at the resulting actions.
This is a rather extreme reaction but thankfully not quite of the "Fear Thy Neighbor" (shock reality show) level, where neighbors get so angry that they kill each other.

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#515621 - 09/25/17 07:57 PM Re: Totally off topic... [Re: Greg56]
Greg56 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/14
Posts: 154
Loc: Upstate NY
I've seen him gain friends and then lose them(usually through his own anger) over the years. I can't tell you how many times I've listened to him repeat fights that he's had with people throughout his life, that he's fought with someone, back to maybe 55 years ago.

I always thought that his anger was caused mostly by himself. He plays the victim in his arguments. But, I also see that he exaggerates this role.

I spoke with his son today for the first time about what is going on. His son, says that he feels lost and doesn't know how to patch things up...as he doesn't know why this is going on. I believe him. He says that now he doesn't know what his father will do to him or his family next. I agree...if he would do something this vile...what could possibly be next? His son and I agreed that we would not visit one another for a while or even tell my brother that we talked as we both agree that this would exacerbate the problem.

I do feel better about contacting my nephew...and trying to apologize for my brothers actions. I told him that I could not ask him to forgive my brother...but tried to give him some hope that someday, maybe things could get a little better. But, I don't know how that would happen. I don't think I could ever forgive him and I know that I will always remember this.

Greg
_________________________
"I am here...they are not...I own my strength and power...they do not"

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#515633 - 09/26/17 01:37 AM Re: Totally off topic... [Re: Greg56]
Greg56 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/14
Posts: 154
Loc: Upstate NY
I'm profusely sorry, I keep writing about this here...but, I don't know who else I can talk to. I am waiting for a response from a therapist. But, I'm writing here because I'm hoping that if I write it down...maybe it will help.

I'm feeling the same as I did when I was a victim. I'm having a hard time sleeping, my gut is in knots and I can't stop thinking about it. I simply do not know what to do. The only plan that I have thought about was to confront my brother. I know how it will turn out...but, I don't think I can live with this inside me. Maybe I'll be able to plant a seed, that will someday begin to grow.

I don't want to lose my brother, but feel that I have no choice. I do understand that it is not my problem, not my fault and that I cannot fix this. But, like being a victim...I have to hope to work through this the best that I can.

I'm hoping that I can get some sleep tonight.

Greg


Edited by Greg56 (09/26/17 01:38 AM)
_________________________
"I am here...they are not...I own my strength and power...they do not"

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#515677 - 09/26/17 11:20 PM Re: Totally off topic... [Re: Greg56]
kcinohio Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/06/12
Posts: 512
Loc: Ohio
Hope you were able to get some sleep. Sorry your family is having this problem.

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#515680 - 09/27/17 12:17 AM Re: Totally off topic... [Re: Greg56]
Greg56 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/14
Posts: 154
Loc: Upstate NY
Thanks guys for letting me vent. Writing it down does help...Thank You for your support.

Greg
_________________________
"I am here...they are not...I own my strength and power...they do not"

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