Dan99, I might add that I tend to feel embarrassed seeing people scantily dressed as on a beach. Sometimes I do admire good physique (sometimes wishing I could look that good) but I don't see it as sexual. In my past I've seen sexuality as dirty and I tried to repress it as best I could. This could be an issue in my marriage but my wife is going through menopause so there is little or no interest anyway.
I can relate to suppressing sexual behaviors. I've gone for periods of well over a year without sex. It barely entered my mind. And I've felt great about it. Like you, I tend to think of sex as a bad thing, because it was bad the way I was abused. So when I avoided it, I was reinforcing that I was not "bad" in the way my abuser was.
But there's also a duality to my personality and when I slip back to being sexually active, it's usually as a way of closing down the negative thoughts I'm having about myself. If I can attract sex partners, I'm proving I'm not that loser-victim.
Sexual promiscuity/abstinence is like so many other things I've done to muffle the after affects of abuse. It works for a while. Then I figure out that it's just a trick of the mind. I am happy that I feel like I'm getting the sexual angle to this whole thing finally wrestled to the ground. But what I'm not sure about is what's next.