I was watching a show about teaching parents to help kids about simple and practical strategies to help them confidently manage their children’s behaviour, prevent problems developing and build strong, healthy relationships. Positive Parenting Programhttp://www.triplep.net/glo-en/home/
What a eureka moment. It teaches parents how to de-escalate conflict. Something my mother, ex wife and me never had any ability to do. Screamers all !!!!
So thats what i realized:
Bad parenting + CSA = Inability to recognize that things are getting out of control.
It shows that behaviors Can change and new skills can be learned that can minimize inappropriate reactions to stress/anxiety and TRIGGERS.
I have been able to build a bridge of friendship with my Ex. He knows how I still feel about him. He doesn't know if he can still feel that way. So I am going slow and SHOWING him the positive changes I am making to not be that angry kid.
I now understand that I put other peoples needs before mine when dealing with triggers. Thats not going to happen anymore. I know what signs to look for and what to do about it. We all matter, people pleasing will never help us please ourselves. I want to be a proud man. And that means Self care cuz if we dont look after ourselves how can we truly be emotionally available to others.