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#463065 - 03/24/14 12:04 PM anger and aggression
Justtroy Offline

Registered: 03/17/14
Posts: 8
Loc: australia
Hi all
the reason i have found this site is because my partner hates my anger and aggression and i don't blame her as i seem to just yell for no reason even if she is asking a straight forward question .i just get my back up and yell

lately i have realized that it is linked to my csa and i am starting my way on the healing path.

so my question is for those of you who had similar habits once you realized the problem and sought treatment how long did you take to learn to just chill out and talk to you partners

#463068 - 03/24/14 12:23 PM Re: anger and aggression [Re: Justtroy]

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3855

CSA is a hidden rage that can erupt when least expected from hearing certain words, smells, touches and actions. The rage is one negative trait the abuser left us with. Letting out the past, accepting the abuse and accepting yourself allows you release the rage and not let it control you.

How long after starting treatment do they end will vary depending on each survivor--we all reacted differently to the abuse and we all heal differently.

It is important to continue to seek support and treatment, each time you talk about the abuse you release the past and slowly the hold the abuser has on you.

I know this is not much of an answer but continue to heal and you will see the change. Also adopting additional healthy coping mechanisms will help you--grounding yourself, breathing techniques are some that worked for me. Talk to your T.

Good luck and recognizing the issue is a step in the right direction


#463070 - 03/24/14 12:38 PM Re: anger and aggression [Re: Justtroy]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4286
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
We are all different in the way we handle it.

i repressed the anger for decades and didn't let it out the slightest bit. i became depressed and withdrawn and uncommunicative. i gave my wife the silent treatment when it was worst. i still rarely express anger - but when i do it is with control and with articulate words that express what is bothering me - usually written as well as spoken. i consider myself finished with therapy after having a bit less than 2 years of nearly weekly sessions, ending last May. but i can't really tell you how the anger fits into the whole picture because it wasn't a major part of my symptoms.

it will be different for you. maybe those whose behavior is more similar to your will have better suggestions, but don't assume that their "recovery" story and yours will be the same. you will find your own way if you work at it.

How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3

#463081 - 03/24/14 05:21 PM Re: anger and aggression [Re: Justtroy]
genedebs Offline

Registered: 11/09/12
Posts: 378
Loc: MO
Dear justroy'

It is not just an issue of therapy but of the type of therapy. Cognitive behavioral therapy can provide the coping skills to control your anger outburst in a relatively short time. Maybe six months or less. However this will do nothing to promote your healing.

It is a matter of what you are looking for.

Just my experience.

However, there were times when the rage overwhelmed me anyway.

May you find what you are looking for.

#463101 - 03/25/14 01:35 AM Re: anger and aggression [Re: Justtroy]
jas4159 Offline

Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 483
Loc: New Hampshire
Wow this is a loaded post. in a good way i think. Discovering the anger demon is half the battle, accepting it is another. Often we have rage that comes from the dark places in our soul. Dealing with it takes a lot of cognitive work. I think the anger is a symptom and working thru the root cause is the only way. I spent my life trying to make the anger and all the rest go away by treating the symptom and not the root cause. I don't think anger is the problem only the symptom.


#463115 - 03/25/14 08:50 AM Re: anger and aggression [Re: Justtroy]
don64 Offline

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 1106
Hi Justtroy,

I agree with Rich. I finally figured out all my anger is a response to feeling helpless. I have to teach myself I am not helpless and learn healthy ways of identifying my feelings and expressing them. Therapy is great for this. Also, learning to bring my awareness to myself and my body, to my feelings is key. My abusive experiences created a learned helplessness that was true when I was quite young and my thought processes (brain) not fully formed, but that is true no longer. My experience is that what I need shows up right on schedule if I am aware.

Ultimately I have to teach myself that I have the power to make healthy choices (not helpless any longer) and have the ability to figure out what healthy choices are. I can't really change anyone else. I can only learn to express who I truly am, which involves working through my damaged places, and observe how healthy I'm becoming by noticing what kind of energy I'm attracting. It's an honest feedback system, though the feedback is not always what I'd prefer to hear.

Best of luck,

Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards


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