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#461907 - 03/02/14 11:53 PM Worst morning.
carperson Offline

Registered: 10/30/13
Posts: 21
Loc: Hawaii
When I woke up this morning it was with a memory that was clear as day. It was more clear them almost any other memory I have from that age. It's not something I want to remember and I remember it from the time my father grabbed my shoulder until my mother came home. Because of it I had to go to my room to stay away from my brother until one pm. I know it is pathetic to hide in a place I hate but I couldn't face anyone much less him. I went to bed thinking about the one event he told me from his abuse and trying to understand it. I did not react favorably when he told me and we've been at odds for a while. I told him he can tell me anything and when he told me one event, I froze up and said nothing. I didn't know what to think. My mind went blank. I still haven't left this awful place. I hate my room. It's suffocating. It doesn't help that the memory takes place in my old bedroom. I don't know if this is the right form but I still don't think I survived anything. I am just a very weak person. When I am ok again I'll go out to face my brother and probably tell him I have a hangover. He's knocked in my door three times and asked if I was ok so far. I feel guilty.

How do I become normal again? What should I say about freezing up on him? He knows I hate my bedroom. Should I just tell him nothing and not lie about a hangover?

Edited by carperson (03/02/14 11:54 PM)
Edit Reason: Spelling.
Here to help my brother and maybe my self.

#461915 - 03/03/14 01:30 AM Re: Worst morning. [Re: carperson]
mmfan Offline

Registered: 09/25/11
Posts: 115
You're obviously a caring brother who wants to help, but it sounds like you two are on the same airplane that's crashing. frown Remember you need to put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others. If I'm interpreting your post correctly then it sounds like you're having memories of your own. frown This doesn't make you weak and it's not your fault. It doesn't mean you're letting your brother down. Survivors of abuse are incredibly strong...they've survived! Maybe you could confide in each other and help validate each others' memories? Maybe that would make it less scary for you both. Just a thought.


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