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#461902 - 03/02/14 10:38 PM Re: My so called friend. [Re: ThisMan]
bcl092 Offline

Registered: 07/08/08
Posts: 29
Loc: Long Island, NY
Thank you. This isn't really a support group I was with, more like a bunch of people who just talked together on the internet. I sent the co-leader a ton of emails saying how the leader bullied, betrayed me and more. I still have yet to hear from her. I know this group (MaleSurvivor) is the real group and people I need to be associating with. Thanks again all. :]

#461905 - 03/02/14 10:51 PM Re: My so called friend. [Re: bcl092]
don64 Offline

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 1106
Hi bc1092 and ThisMan,

I need to clarify what I meant by what I said. First, I can't know what is the right thing for bc1092 to do. I only know from my own experience, based on the abuse I grew up in that I had a pattern of aggressive dependency. I was drawn to abusive people like a moth to flame. And, I would symbolically find ways to shake them and shake them in an effort to get them to see me and value me. This was a repetition of the relationship with my parents, also my abusers, and it was all I knew.

Where I have evolved over the years is that there is NOTHING for me to be gained in relationships with abusive people. I believe in defining clear boundaries and limits for myself, but what I have found is the boundaries and limits I need to set are usually with myself. This means spending no time or energy trying to get abusive people to understand me. It simply is not possible in my experience. So, for me, the limits and boundaries I set these days are with myself in excluding abusive or bullying people completely from my life. My experience is that I have to clear space in my life for sensitive, kind, gentle people. As long as I clutter my space with people who are abusive or bullying, the sensitive, kind and gentle people won't find me.

Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

#461914 - 03/03/14 01:12 AM Re: My so called friend. [Re: bcl092]
ThisMan Offline

Registered: 01/23/13
Posts: 778
Loc: upper south
bc- it sounds like you did the right thing by emailing the co-leader and sharing your experiences.

don- i couldn't agree more with you. unfortunately for me, it took me 55 years to fully realize what you just explained. to put it simply, i would much rather have a hug from a good, kind, genuine individual than an insult from an abuser. and i m finding as life continues, more and more of the good, kind folks are filling my life and I like it!…and deserve it.

Edited by ThisMan (03/03/14 01:12 AM)
For now we see through a glass, darkly.

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