I got triggered earlier this evening just by seeing one word. One word I never thought would have any impact on me. But it did.
About 10 months ago I was sexually assaulted at a party. This girl who was new in our friends group cornered me and forced herself on me. I said I didn't want to, I told her I didn't want to. She told me to "Man up." that any other guy would be lucky to have her. I didn't want her. I didn't want to be around her! Technically yes I was stronger than her but I didn't want to hurt her. I tried to push her away but she pinned me down. I couldn't. I tried, I swear I did!
I tried to keep my eyes shut. She'd slap me and demand that they stay open. I'd try to look away but she'd just grab my face. At one point she was too busy doing what she wanted, getting what she wanted that when I was able to look away, I saw her stupid fucking shoes. These god awful stilletos. They were mocking me the entire time.
I'm sorry. I can't write anymore. I'm sorry if I triggered anybody. I'm sorry.