Newest Members
ihrlieben, Hereygone, Aloe, Jumzey31, Live
13466 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
DruidWolf (42), Harry (36), knigh50 (56), mike54 (59)
Who's Online
7 registered (Jay1946, Ceremony, Alonso, 3 invisible), 86 Guests and 3 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
13,466 Registered Members
75 Forums
69,822 Topics
487,397 Posts

Most users ever online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 2 of 2 < 1 2
Topic Options
#477073 - 02/12/15 02:32 PM Re: Coming off klonopin [Re: SoccerStar]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 766
Thanks for sharing this with us, Matt.

I have a few friends who still have problems coming off the meds, especially with the withdrawal aspect of it. There is a lot of insight and hope here.

Congrats on the milestone.

Way to go, Matt!
_________________________
Husky

"Only the solitary seek the truth, and they break with all those who don't love it sufficiently." - Pasternak

Top
#483893 - 06/14/15 01:41 PM Re: Coming off klonopin [Re: SoccerStar]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 929
Well. At least I knew I COULD do it.

I'm back on the klonopin now :p It's a bit disappointing, yes, but it was better than the alternative.

Have been back on since about the first week of May. The pressure at work was just too great. 4th quarter 2014 I had my biggest successes of my entire career and it made a difference on a company-wide scale. So basically all of April/May 2015 was every level of management making clear to me just how I was expected to make the "sequel" at the end of this year even better. The goals and pressures were unbelievable - if I went a day where I was ONLY having what would be a goodly-productive day under normal circumstances, I'd start to have panic attacks again.... the kind from the bad old days, where I'd be basically immobilized with fear until 2-3pm and get NOTHING done. Started to see my end-2015 "sequel" as the ideal excuse to fire me.

And then I started having sleep paralysis / night terrors again. It's been a long, long time. My wife is used to me having wake-up-screaming nightmares but this was different. I had so hoped that phase of my life was over forever but it's not.

So I went back on the klonopin. I knew it would work for me, it did before. It's a low dose, just a half-pill a day first thing in the morning, to keep me from freaking out at work and to keep my sleep normalized. I know I was worried (still am worried) about Alzheimer's, but if I can't function well enough to make it much older then what kind of victory is that?

Am honestly not sure if or when I'll try weaning off again. I consider myself lucky that I had this option available.

Oh and my psychiatrist can go fuck himself. I called him to ask about dosage levels and he refused to discuss it unless I came to his office. He has moved offices so it would severely cut into my workday. He treated me for OVER TWO YEARS, he knows who I am, and when I asked him "How long can I really be on this, at any dose?" he still insisted that I go to him... like he needs my extra co-pay to just answer a question. I have enough pills to last me probably a year - and if I do need a consult I'll be getting a different psychiatrist!


Matt


Edited by SoccerStar (06/14/15 01:41 PM)
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of Heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

Top
#484144 - 06/18/15 11:39 AM Re: Coming off klonopin [Re: SoccerStar]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 1106
Hi Matt,

Having been through my high income years, and steeply crashing from my high income years, there are very familiar warning signals going off for me as I read your post. For me, the kind of signals your body and emotions are giving you are serious warning signals about the sustainability of your work and life choices at this time.

I hope you are able to clearly assess the wisdom of continuing a life/life-style/working situation that requires such toxic efforts from you. I wasn't able to stop until I seriously crashed, and became unable to work any more. My ability to work went straight downhill from 45 until age 53 when I was unable to work anymore at all. My nervous system was shot at that time, along with the last of my assets.

I'm not saying anything like what happened to me will happen with you, but all my alarm bells are going off as I read your post.

Sending you love and good will,

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

Top
#497091 - 03/28/16 09:38 PM Re: Coming off klonopin [Re: SoccerStar]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 929
Off again! Keeping my fingers crossed for this time....

My last dose was over 2 months ago. Withdrawal this time was really hard but in a different way than previously, and I'm still not totally "over" it. I really hope I never have to go on again because I'm worried about how much worse withdrawal gets every time.

-instead of being unable to sleep, I slept but it wasn't restful. I'd be "trapped" in extremely realistic disturbing pursuit / humiliation / failure nightmares that felt like they were 8 hours long, and wake up more exhausted than I'd gone to sleep. These still happen but have reduced in frequency and length; I mostly sleep normally, thank God.

-feel anxious and edgy more or less at all times, except in the immediate post-sex afterglow. Constantly feel like something is about to happen and get impatient waiting for it. Like my every waking moment I'm walking on a highway and must constantly scan the horizon for a truck that's coming to flatten me. This again is something I've just learned to settle for I suppose. If anything in a weird perverse way it's CALMING. I've learned to reason through the fact that utterly nothing is wrong at all and the fears are made up, which has a strange comforting effect. It's also possible it's part of a midlife crisis cloaked behind my "baseline" anxiety bullshit issues (this is what my T thinks - I still see her about every 7 or 8 weeks).

-I am dissatisfyingly forgetful. Abnormally, every day it's 4-6 things I misplace or overlook. That's the only thing about this that I'm not able to settle into, this notion that I might have permanently altered my short term memory.... There's just nothing to be done about it, I took the pills and it's in the past. I choose to believe it won't get any worse, that it won't become Alzheimer's, because what choice do I have?

Work is stable, wife actually a lot nicer than she'd been in some recent years (I think we've had a breakthrough?), kids fine.... I have a lot worth remembering. And I aim to do just that.


Matt
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of Heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

Top
#512007 - 06/14/17 12:31 PM Re: Coming off klonopin [Re: SoccerStar]
LinEar Offline


Registered: 06/02/15
Posts: 317
Loc: USA
Reviving an old thread -- Matt, any updates on coming off/staying off Klonopin?

I'm working on this now. The paperwork that comes with my prescription says not to take it continually for more than 3-4 weeks. And I've been on it since 2004 or 2005(!)

I was originally prescribed it by my family doctor for anxiety/dysautonomia, and to help with sleep. I didn't know about my CSA or PTSD then, although that's what it was. I had been taking Ambien for sleep and Ativan as needed for anxiety prior to that (since about 2002). The Ambien was no longer doing much except making me extremely hungover the next day, and Ativan's short half-life provides almost instant relief but doesn't last long and can be highly addictive (not that Klonopin can't be too).

I started with one 0.5mg pill, split in half, taken twice a day (so a half, or 0.25mg, around late afternoon/early evening and another half just before bed). This seemed to help and I kept it up for years, never increasing the dose, thankfully. At some point, maybe around 2010, I reduced it to just the one half pill (0.25 mg) just before bed. I didn't start to have flashbacks/clear memories until 2013, and began therapy in 2014, pausing in 2015, switching to a new therapist in early 2016, where I've been for about 1.5 years.

Last Fall, with all the progress I was making in therapy, I talked with my doctor about tapering off the Klonopin, which he agreed with. He suggested cutting the dose in half weekly, 2 or 3 times, until I stopped completely.

I didn't think it'd be too big of a deal, since I was already taking half of the smallest available dose. First I cut it back to a 1/4 pill (0.125 mg) every night, and another 1/4 pill occasionally during the day if needed, which was maybe once every 2-3 weeks. For at least several weeks I was more anxious, had more restless legs at night, more difficulty falling/staying asleep, etc. After I finally seemed to adjust to it, I gave it some more time, and cut it back again to 1/8 of a pill (0.0625 mg) this past March/April. Again the same withdrawal symptoms, heart racing, hypervigilance, etc.

It's hard to know whether it's a placebo effect since the dose is so tiny, but I truly don't think it is. Once every 1-2 weeks I'll wake up at 3 or 4 AM and be awake for an hour or two and end up taking another 1/8 of a pill, which always puts me right back to sleep within 10-15 minutes. I used to do the same with a 1/4 pill when I was on a 1/4, or a 1/2 when I was on a 1/2, etc. -- doctor is ok with this.

I have issues with unrefreshing sleep, short-term memory, frontal lobe area headaches, and difficulty concentrating that have gotten initially worse, and then somewhat better than baseline, each time I reduce the dose.

I still feel dependent on the tiny amount that I take now, and I've done some reading over at the benzobuddies forum where apparently my experience isn't unique, especially for someone who's taken it as long as I have.

Right now I'm entering a lull where work will be slow for a month or two, and other symptoms and issues are improving. I'm going to try to stop taking it completely and see how it goes. It has a long half-life so I'm sure there is plenty of it in me, not to mention the tolerance/expectation for it that my brain has.

So I wanted to add my two cents and experience with this. It's definitely been helpful, maybe even a lifesaver, but I badly want off of it and I'm hopeful that my brain can rewire itself back to "normal" 1) fully, and 2) sooner than later. I am encouraged by the brain rewiring results I've seen from neurofeedback, so we'll see. I feel like even the tiny amount that I take is contributing big time to quality of sleep issues and daytime lack of focus/sedation. Wish me luck.
_________________________
Spotlight...get me out of this spotlight.


My silence is my self-defense.

Top
#513408 - 07/17/17 01:26 AM Re: Coming off klonopin [Re: SoccerStar]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 929
Sorry to hear that you've been struggling with this, LinEar. Some of your symptoms feel eerily familiar.

I am still off the klonopin, I have been totally unmedicated since early '16 (with 2 exceptions, below).

And there are still days where I want it. Where I feel I MUST have it, where I feel like I am tasting it (which is odd as I don't recall it ever having a taste; it's the concept of 'I must ingest this, I should ingest this, why am I not ingesting this, why am I PRACTICALLY DROOLING??"

There have been two days when I was having emergencies so I took a half-pill. These were about 5 months apart, I just used them to cancel panic attacks and did not take the pill again the next day. Single-use doses do not build dependency. Interestingly after a year or so off it, a half pill is a pretty good emotional dampener / stabilizer. For how long it lasted, anyway.

Memory has NOT recovered. I'm still an anxious person and about once every 8 months I'll have my good old familiar devastating wake up screaming feels-like-death nightmares. Not a true paralyzed night terror, thank God. That hasn't happened in at least a year.

For the most part I'm glad, rather proud, I left the stuff behind. I'm not "all better," but really feel it was an investment in my future health to get off it. Still, I often want it again... sometimes quite a lot. Can be a struggle to say the least.


Matt


Edited by SoccerStar (07/17/17 01:27 AM)
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of Heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

Top
#513550 - 07/20/17 05:40 PM Re: Coming off klonopin [Re: SoccerStar]
LinEar Offline


Registered: 06/02/15
Posts: 317
Loc: USA
Thanks Matt for the update. Great job!

I'm down to the occasional 1/8 of a pill now, and haven't had to take the 2nd overnight 1/8 for weeks. Almost totally off now.
_________________________
Spotlight...get me out of this spotlight.


My silence is my self-defense.

Top
Page 2 of 2 < 1 2

Moderator:  ModTeam 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.