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#453385 - 11/12/13 03:55 PM ?? For those of us who have gone thru recovery?
jas4159 Offline


Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 474
Loc: New Hampshire
What is life like for you after you have made it thru recovery? In my case. It has been a little bit of a doubled edge sword. On the one hand I was free of the abuse and all the stuff that went with it. I feel whole and complete, I feel pretty dam good about myself and my life, as it is now. However, on the other hand I find myself troubled at how far i am behind in life. Not owning a house, not well set up for retirement and that is coming in 10 years. I see others much younger and they did it all the right way and have the things that most have. While i am free of the abuse and i am happy. I feel a bit left behind and I don't know if i have what it takes to achieve some of the things i desire. My whole life i
droven myslef hard and was full of ambition and enery. The desire is still there but my drive has reallly decreased/.

How has life been for you after you feel you recovered?

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com


Edited by jas4159 (11/12/13 03:56 PM)
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Rich

https://justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com

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#453387 - 11/12/13 04:11 PM Re: ?? For those of us who have gone thru recovery? [Re: jas4159]
CafeMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/18/13
Posts: 165
Loc: Chicago
Interesting post. I agree with you on certain points and can relate. I am free and very stable within my body and mind. I have not accomplished certain things that I thought I would do like get married and raise a family. However, I excelled at other things and accomplished so much that I never thought possible.

Bottom line - with or without CSA in our background, life isn't perfect. So we make the best of each period in our lives and try to move and learn from each episode.

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#453390 - 11/12/13 04:21 PM Re: ?? For those of us who have gone thru recovery? [Re: jas4159]
jas4159 Offline


Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 474
Loc: New Hampshire
very good point and i also have accomplished more than i thought i would. thank you for reminding me.

rich
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Thanks

Rich

https://justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com

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#453416 - 11/12/13 06:22 PM Re: ?? For those of us who have gone thru recovery? [Re: jas4159]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 1104
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi jas4159,

I'm 64, no assets, no savings, no ira, haven't been able to work in 9 years, lived a difficult existence for 7 years prior to social security starting 2+ years ago, live in 380 sq. ft. apt. on small island in carribbean, was forced to detox from western civilization beliefs about what I needed to have in order to be happy, had years of making pretty good money up to age 45. I do know what I am missing, and I do not miss any of it. If you told me in my forties that I did not need money, possessions, things, assets, the ability to fit in with some external definition of what is "normal," I would have thought you were crazy.

I am so free, carefree, no responsibilities. I have all my time to spend on myself. And, that is exactly what I need. I have serious abuse issues. And I have the time and space to deal with them. If I was burdened with a load of beliefs that preoccupied me I would not have made it.

I have read that just because millions of people believe something does not make them sane. I suspect you are a great deal more flexible than you imagine.

Wishing you well,

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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#453909 - 11/15/13 11:11 PM Re: ?? For those of us who have gone thru recovery? [Re: jas4159]
George Offline
Member

Registered: 01/29/01
Posts: 263
Loc: NY metro **PM's are welcomed
Started dealing with the sa just about 15 years ago, I pop in every few months to stay grounded. Things are pretty good, I have the wife I shouldn't have, the kids I shouldn't have, the home I shouldn't have, etc.. Before recovery none of it would've been possible. I was 31 when I started dealing with the sa, old enough for it to have gone on way to long, young enough to be able to salvage our marriage, keep my wife, then later have kids.

On the outside most would say I'm successful, some relatives I know are even envious of our assets, thinking we have it all. They don't know the hell we've both been through, they may think they know, but they don't have a clue. In spite of all we do have, I too wonder were I'd be if I didn't have the anchor of s/a weighing me down, if I gave a shit in school & if college had been a possibility, etc...how much more could I have accomplished? Nothing has come easy for us, we've done without, gambled (investments, not betting) with our nest egg, put our asses on the line with money and things worked out ok, because we worked at it. I'm a high school dropout, too...not a genius by any stretch...

Don64, I can easily see how you feel happy out on your rock, sometimes less *is* more. I wouldn't mind paring down making things simpler, there is peace in that. My wife hasn't come to that conclusion yet, I've mentioned it, so it is out there.
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My Updated (2017) Story, it focuses on the abuse, the aftermath & poor coping mechanisms & breakthrough...Healing ; https://youtu.be/z4JAIE82NpU

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#507609 - 03/12/17 09:27 PM Re: ?? For those of us who have gone thru recovery? [Re: jas4159]
jas4159 Offline


Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 474
Loc: New Hampshire
.
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Thanks

Rich

https://justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com

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#507640 - 03/13/17 04:01 PM Re: ?? For those of us who have gone thru recovery? [Re: jas4159]
Robert1000 Offline


Registered: 06/27/12
Posts: 434
That's an interesting question, plus an odd way to pose it. Here's what I mean about the way to pose it. It's been more than 8 years since I said the words that I hadn't been able to say all my life. I said, "Fucked up shit happened at the [blank where we lived]." I said them to my wife one night after we'd started couples counseling, which we did because I had had an affair on her, although "affair" is a nice sounding word for the stupid bullshit I got wrapped up in. For the first few years, the effects of the trauma, which I had been trying to hold back for so long, just poured all around me. I dissociated constantly. My entire life was one big mess of magical thinking and psychological issues. Years and years of intensive therapy later, I've THANK GOD left behind the days of those vivid flash-back memories and feelings of rage, helplessness and shame. While I don't do impulsive stuff like I used to, and I don't have a hair-trigger temper only held back by waves of disabling fear, I'm still only marginally functional. I mean, I have a good job, and I've kept it for awhile. That's a blessing. I have a growing retirement account, but I just overdrew my checking account... again... and I'm still struggling to live debt-free. I was debt-free about eight months ago, and then I just spent money like crazy and $15,000 in the hole again. How did that even happen? I don't gamble! I don't even have a car payment. What the WTF!?! I was literally debt free just a short time ago....

Well, crap. I guess I should look over my accounts and see where the damn money is going. And then I'll get back on track.

So... I may be MUCH better off than I used to be, but I wonder if I'll ever be cured or better. I doubt it. CSA is just too traumatic. Plus, it's simply part of my life. Like, I broke my arm three times as a kid, too. Those broken bones will always be in my past, just sitting there in the years when they happened. Each one it's own incident, it's own piece of history.

The CSA will be too, I think, unless I somehow suffer amnesia... but then again the CSA will be there whether I remember it or not. It was there before I acknowledged it, after all. It's not like if I forget it, the past will somehow be undone.

Yet as for how I compare myself to other people, I don't. I just think, Fuck them. I'm not going to compare myself to anyone, especially if the comparison makes me come up short. Fuck that. Pardon my language.

I guess I'm feeling some anger right now. I kind of wish I could burn some steam off, or even fight someone without getting myself fired or thrown in jail.

Who knows....

God bless you guys. Thank you for posting JAS4159. It feels good to let things out right here.

Keep searching for peace, and, when you find it, really feel it.

Bob

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#507738 - 03/16/17 10:08 PM Re: ?? For those of us who have gone thru recovery? [Re: jas4159]
LinEar Offline


Registered: 06/02/15
Posts: 278
Loc: USA
Thanks Robert1000.

I can relate to this: "I dissociated constantly. My entire life was one big mess of magical thinking and psychological issues." Well put. It's amazing how much we recognize how this is the life we were leading, when we begin to get just a hint of clarity through our hard work of recovery. I'm nowhere near "healed", but I can see some improvement in dissociation, magical thinking, and psychological issues, and it's encouraging.
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Spotlight...get me out of this spotlight.

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#508066 - 03/24/17 01:55 PM Re: ?? For those of us who have gone thru recovery? [Re: jas4159]
jas4159 Offline


Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 474
Loc: New Hampshire
Thanks guys. great answers and it is nice to know i ma not alone.
_________________________
Thanks

Rich

https://justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com

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