I just went through this with friends the other night as my bf and i were invited for dinner at another couples.
Engaging with sex with another boy started so early its hard to tell when i t began. He made me do things from so early on, there is almost no point in figuring it out. The way i see it, it doesn't matter. To me, virginity is a concept not an event. Some lonely souls have no opportunity as they dont have the confidence to date. Or a repressive religious construct that values inexperience and naiveté. I want a craftsman to have some experience and who knows what to do. Two people fumbling at something that could possibly be the greatest experience ever or just passable to the point of barely tolerable. How would you know if you never had the experience or opportunity to shift your paradigm. Way too much emphasis on the Virginity, besides the virgin queen was probably a lesbian.
I think of it as the question being about ME, when did I realize that i was gay, just me in my thoughts. I don't know the age exactly but i remember my older brothers playboy stack. I think i was 12 and i came across one about the society girl and the tow headed buff stable boy. I couldn't take my eyes off him. But then i closed the magazine. I didn't want to feel any of that.
It's how we tell OUR story, comedians are funny cuz they practice every line - content, timing and delivery. I think you are right Eric, we just need to have it ready in our minds.
So the first time is for me, when did I know i had gay feelings and when did i finally know i liked men. The gay feelings were early but not understood. But my first time that i knew was when i was kissed with such passion and intensity that my head felt like the back of my skull would just burst with a complete and utter core shattering sense that finally YES, I am ME , this is what IT is supposed to feel like. I had sex from infancy but THIS was the moment my whole being experienced the FIRST TIME.
If they want more details i am happy to share. I have nothing to hide or feel ashamed about. Not anymore, reflexive honesty is so much easier. Its out there and done. Nothing to protect or deflect or respect. I was a DJ once years ago and got the dance floor full at a mennonite wedding. So i played " Highway to Hell", and as they all stopped and stared at me, then just turned and walked away i thought to myself, damn, don't be a buzz kill. Its about knowing your audience.
As to why it took until my 40's , yup like all of us its complicated. So i just leave out the timing and expand on the experience.
So my real first time had so many fireworks and multicoloured lights flashing in my body and in my mind, it was gayer that christmas. So unlike virginity which is a single event like santa only ever coming once(say what?) , now its a gift that keeps on giving.
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama
WoR Barrie 2011