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#449782 - 10/10/13 08:06 PM WHY???
helpneeded Offline

Registered: 09/26/13
Posts: 4
I have so much anger in me because of all the pain and suffering my ex partners abuser caused. The last 2 months have been the worst depressing 2 months of my life. My partner left me and now he says he is depressed, he cant let go of me but never wants to see me or talk on the phone. He only sends messages. I csn't believe how someone (the abusers) can be so selfish and use a child for their own pleasure and we have to put up with all the consequences and damage their actions cause. I know that I need to make a decision to walk away from my ex partners life as he is going through another phase where he doesn't care about me and is having a fling with a girl who he is visiting overseas but its so hard because I am the only person that actually understands why he does what he does. Its so easy for my friends to say he cheated on you previously, he's an idiot..get rid of him but they have never walked a day in his shoes. I think the main aim of this post is to get some guidance and input from anyone who can give me any advice. Will he ever come back to me and wake up from his phase???

#449864 - 10/11/13 06:47 PM Re: WHY??? [Re: helpneeded]
dark empathy Offline

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2688
Loc: durham, north england
Hi Hn.

The problem is that is his decision. For me, it took the emotional equivolent of being run over with a ten ton truck in 2007 to let me know I needed to deal with my abuse, since no it is not an easy decision to make, still more I imagine if a person has hurt someone else due to their abuse.

You might direct him to this site, suggest he reads Mike Lue's victims no longer, or sees a professional, but ultimately you can't change things for him and you also need to considder what you need in your life too, since you can't live your life waiting for someone else who may never want to change, though the fact that he told you is good since it shows he's not being completely closed in about it.

As to why this happens, well one of the hardest things I myself had to realize is that my own abuse had absolutely no reason whatsoever, it was just a joke, something that happened, indeed I don't think any of the people involved would really remember, still less believe the effect it's had on me and my life. Then again, my abuse was very much bullying that escalated into s/xual humiliation and gang rape, so other people might be different.

That however isn't really the important question, indeed for me realizing that wondering "why it happened" was not helpful was something I needed to do myself.

Perhaps you could considder this, think about you and him and what you should be doing carefully.


#449934 - 10/12/13 05:18 PM Re: WHY??? [Re: helpneeded]
HD001 Offline

Registered: 07/30/12
Posts: 276
Loc: us
If I were you I would just move on with your life. You can always love him and want the best for him. It's hard when you aren't ready to let go. But he doesn't sound like he is anywhere close to serious change. I've been living the CSA nightmare for 6 years and it will chew you up and spit you out. I always thought I was an emotionally strong person but I have met my match with this stuff. At the end of the day I guess you have to do what you think is best in you heart. I'm sorry for you struggle. Most days I can offer better advice. today is one of the bad days so I'm feeling a little negative. sorry
Everything comes from within


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