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#449454 - 10/07/13 07:58 PM Re: Wedding Anniversary [Re: Jude]
BraveFalcon Offline

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1231
Loc: The ATL

Hi Jude. Man, what an inspirational amount of progress you have made! Congratulations. It's a little bit difficult for me to relate to the marriage and relationship stuff but I know a success story when I see it. Good luck and happy anniversary. Peace,


#449460 - 10/07/13 08:28 PM Re: Wedding Anniversary [Re: Jude]
unhappycamper Offline

Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 753
Loc: VA
Congrats, Jude! Just had our 30th, this past May... we're practically newlyweds, in comparison.


#470789 - 10/05/14 12:50 AM Wedding Anniversary......Again [Re: Jude]
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England
Tomorrow is my 35th wedding anniversary, and the third such anniversary I have written about here on MS. Accounts of my 33rd and 34th are attached. A lot has changed. As of now we have only two (out of 10) children living at home. We have two grandchildren on the way, one of which we will probably end up raising (good-bye empty nest).

We still sleep in the same bed. And although intercourse still hasn't yet become part of our relationship, we are working on showing physical affection. We still go on weekly dates. And even though I still am working 60+ hours per week, we find time to talk, phone, text, email, and even occasionally sneak away from our jobs at noon to meet for a sandwich.

The distance between us has become smaller, and trust has become greater. Its still not perfect. I give much more than I receive from her in terms of love, compassion, and empathy. I often feel lonely. And as much as I want her unconditional love, I understand why that's still difficult for her. This is a situation that I had a big part in creating, and I have to accept that it will be a long process of rebuilding.

I still attend 2-3 weekly AA meetings, and still see a therapist, though I've cut back to every other week now. And the CSA, well its no longer my constant preoccupation. I take medications that prevent the nightmares, and others that improve my mood. I've come to understand all the ways the abuse affected me, and continue to make progress in undoing that damage. There still are moments when it all comes flooding back, without warning, and knocks the wind out of me. But those occurrences are less frequent, and my recovery from them is quicker.

No, I didn't ever grow a new set of legs (figuratively), but I'm getting damn good at walking on these prosthetic ones. In fact, sometimes I feel like a normal man. How weird is that?

Be well,

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

#470793 - 10/05/14 07:43 AM Re: Wedding Anniversary......Again [Re: Jude]
Bluedogone Offline

Registered: 07/03/13
Posts: 1008
Loc: Southern US

Thanks so much for your wedding anniversary update, and congratulations on number 35. It's certainly encouraging to read of the progress these last two years.

I celebrated number 45 last week, and your post puts the whole thing in parellel perspective in so many ways (except two instead of ten children). The beginning was so shaky and some of the intervening years so fragile that when I look back over the years I wonder how could it have lasted this long.

Thanks again for the reminder that in spite of seemingly impossible odds all things are possible.
Whether you say, "i can't do this," or say, "I CAN DO THIS" You're Right.

#470847 - 10/07/14 12:16 PM Re: Wedding Anniversary......Again [Re: Jude]
jas4159 Offline

Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 474
Loc: New Hampshire
Great post and thank you for the update. It is encouraging to see a positive post and congratulations on your 35th.


#470876 - 10/07/14 05:30 PM Re: Wedding Anniversary......Again [Re: Jude]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4130
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
Jude -

you are to be commended for managing to stay married for so long. that is a major triumph - even without the CSA and all attendant issues. i respect and honor you for this accomplishment - as well as for all the other healthy and positive choice you have made and stuck to.

well done, man!
"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"

#470897 - 10/07/14 09:22 PM Re: Wedding Anniversary [Re: Jude]
Mike26 Offline

Registered: 07/25/12
Posts: 41
Loc: Maryland
Congrats, Jude! This post gave me a lot of hope. I cheated on my husband about 5 weeks ago and told him a few days after. The fallout has been horrific, and I feel like there is no solid ground to stand on, so its encouraging to hear from another SA survivor who has struggled with infidelity but is working through it. Best of luck to you in your continued recovery!
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anais Nin

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