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#449456 - 10/08/13 12:11 AM Re: A Do Over [Re: On The Fringe]
BraveFalcon Offline

Registered: 02/26/13
Posts: 1231
Loc: The ATL

Hi Buledogone. We'd all love to have a few do-overs in life. God knows I'd give anything to have quite a few. I try not to think that way to much though because it will only drive me crazy. Coulda, woulda, shoulda, all day long. Like others have said, you can only go forward with the lessons you've learned in tow and try to put them to use as best as possible. Also, let's try to separate the do overs you would like to have from your childhood from the mistakes you've made as an adult. Nothing that happened to you when you were a kid was your fault. None of the abuse was your fault. Don't tell yourself you should have known better because you couldn't have known better. You were just a kid. When it comes to mistakes we've made as adults, the only thing we can do is learn the hard lessons we've learned, try to forgive ourselves and move forward a wiser man. At the end of the day, that's all you can really do. Take care. Peace,


#449459 - 10/08/13 12:26 AM Re: A Do Over [Re: Bluedogone]
unhappycamper Offline

Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 756
Loc: VA
Woulda-coulda-shoulda is a normal reaction to regrets--everybody does it. It's our way of trying to reassert a sense of control (real or imagined) over our lives. Of course, it's futile, because we can't change things that have already happened (or that didn't happen when they should have.) My dear old auntie, aged 83, died unexpectedly this past spring. I often phoned her once a week, but I hadn't done so, the last weekend before she died. See? Woulda, coulda, shoulda. Won't change anything.

As for CSA, I still get angry thinking of the things that OTHERS--responsible adults-- "shoulda" done when I became that Unhappy Camper. But all I can now is try to be the responsible adult that they weren't.


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