Hey Eirik, glad you put the post back up.
Boundaries - I find that for me I don't no where to set them or even set them properly. They are usually all or nothing. I sometimes decide to have no friends. Then if I try to have friends I'll let things happen that I shouldn't in order to keep the friendship going. Why can't I just remain open to friendships and know that some will work and others won't and not be afraid of either situation? If I could do that I think I would have the ability to set appropriate boundaries.
I view my abuse on 3 levels in many ways. There is the trust that was betrayed, along with the purely physical sexual abuse and also a lack of a father who showed loved for me as a boy. Each having some specific consequences for me in later life. All of which affect my ability to set appropriate boundaries. Sometimes I'm so desperate for a friend that I will accept anyone even if they could end up hurting me. Sometimes I won't trust someone who's clearly earned it, because of a self imposed boundary to protect myself.
Everything about relationships (sexual and non sexual ones alike) was affected by our abuse. In my case I was taught that what I wanted was only achievable through sex. So if I do manage to have a friend there is sexual tension caused by a desire to sexualize the friendship because I was taught that's how I get what I need. Crossing yet another boundary.
I've seen many stories of guys that were abused multiple times. I honestly don't know how I avoided that happening to me. I was so ripe to be abused again even as recently as in the last year. I even wonder if I've let myself be a victim again on all levels except for the sex. That's probably one for another post.
So, why do you have boundaries in one area and not another? Well you are the only one who can really answer that one. The ones in the bedroom - that may be more obvious. For me it feels like everything related to the physical act of sex has been so affected by my abuse. I feel as if sex with another guy would be so much more physically satisfying than what I can have with my wife, but I know my heart would not be in it. Why no boundaries outside of the bedroom - that one may be a little more complicated.
Hope this helps you figure out another piece of your puzzle.
"Me too"-I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words. My StoryProgress