For no reason in particular except that I wanted to "check in". My H and I both turned a corner last fall and it saved ourselves and our marriage. He has a million miles to go, so do I in learning to trust him again and in taking care of myself, but we're doing it together, for now. But for my own personal protection, I found I needed to leave this site for a while and enforce my own personal no-contact rule.
So nearly a year on, I am back, reading posts, seeing the heartache, empathizing with the despair, and it reminds me that, as fucking always, CSA is an insanely cruel gift that just keeps on giving. Someone really needs to blow up the chimney this "santa" keeps escaping into.
And while this place is one of the best resources for the spouses of survivors, it also a place is full of emotional landmines as well. In the past, this site has triggered me beyond all reason (when and where I least expected it), broken my heart, and really and truly pissed me off - just as people do in offline life.
The point is, this forum for all it's good and bad is better than nothing. And at my lowest points (there were many), it was still someplace I dump out the shards of shattered heart and psyche and find some semblance of support as I tried to piece myself back together.
So I'm back. For now. Keeping perspective along this now less-awful journey of CSA recovery, but doing so more cautiously this time.
My advice to the spouses: Tread carefully. Guard your heart. Carry on.
Best of luck to you all.
“All living things contain a measure of madness that moves them in strange, sometimes inexplicable ways. This madness can be saving; it is part and parcel of the ability to adapt. Without it, no species would survive.”
Edited by Valkyrie (09/12/13 08:07 PM)