Newest Members
jez, Long Way Home, Bcbornleo, Orko, molander
13593 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
darkangel116 (39), eddyg (50), lileddie (61), mrmold (65), Pieter (57), shawna (39), Thomas1701 (29)
Who's Online
0 registered (), 19 Guests and 3 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
13,593 Registered Members
75 Forums
70,680 Topics
493,627 Posts

Most users ever online: 418 @ 07/02/12 11:29 AM
Topic Options
#444997 - 08/21/13 11:03 PM Rant
MissesMe Offline

Registered: 07/21/12
Posts: 14
Loc: USA
I haven't been on here for almost 3 months. Been thinking about my childhood, and all that's happened. Trying to make some type of sense of it all. I've felt every emotion thru it, from the most intense anger to , almost some happiness. I've tried to look for that sob, but haven't found him yet. Don't really know if I can confront him in person, but will thru the net.I want him to know what the hell he did to me, and what I've been thru, and what I will always be going thru, for the rest of my life. I don't just feel anger, I "Hate" him, and all he represents. My "mother", the one that berated me from 12-till I left for the service, I have no love for. My father, who chose my brother over me, nothing there either. Neither are alive anymore. I would like for them to be just for a few minutes, so I could yell at both of my alcoholic "parent's" what all the good it did to make me feel like an unwanted child. All of my so-called-family, doesn't even acknowlege my existance. It hurts so deeply inside. Sometimes so overwhelming. My father/mother/brother/bullies in school/sob in my neighbor hood, makes for a shitty life since 5 years old, and not 1 of them could stop and see what was happening, nor did they care. I came so close to taking my own life at 16, but didn't. I don't know what stopped me other than thinking that it can't be so bad, that I have to die to get any love from some one. Yes, I suffer from depression, anxiety, and PTSD. I'm almost getting to the point of cutting everyone out of my life that I meant nothing to. I hate the way I feel, and it's most of the time. I totally dislike having to put on this happy face around people, so they can't see the real me. I'm still terrified they'll find out, and not like me anymore.

#445007 - 08/22/13 01:15 AM Re: Rant [Re: MissesMe]
Jim1104 Offline

Registered: 03/17/11
Posts: 410
Loc: Louisiana, USA
As much as I am so sorry for all you went through and still go through, I am glad that you can come here and rant. This is a hug (((missesme))) and only means that I care about you. You are so worth more than all those people led you to believe. I don't know your thoughts on God, but I believe in Him and I believe that He made you to be a wonderful masterpiece of His workmanship. You are you know, a Masterpiece. What others led you to believe is a lie. It's hard for guys like you and me to believe that, but it's the truth. I am sorry for your pain.


#445041 - 08/22/13 03:46 AM Re: Rant [Re: MissesMe]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4284
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
Good rant, MM!

it may take a while for you to release all the toxic stuff you have bottled up inside. continue to let it out. make space for something newer and better. we are here to listen and lean on.

How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3

#445117 - 08/22/13 06:50 PM Re: Rant [Re: MissesMe]
victor-victim Offline

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6387
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
i am happy you chose to let it out here in a safe place.

welcome to

with time, you may find some good advice here.
maybe some consolation and companionship.

people here can take what you are giving.



Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.