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#441110 - 07/17/13 02:49 AM Day One
bey Offline

Registered: 01/28/10
Posts: 447
Loc: canada
21 hours in
And for some crazy reason I needed to get out
downtown for some iced coffee
Which seemed like the only thing that would keep the reaper from my door

No car
Because he took it when he took off
After seeing track marks on my hands
Lost my touch I guess
After 5 years
"Were you going to tell me?"
So he packed and left
"Figure it out, Benny."

And dude, it's like
Rock and a hard place
Losing everything I have worked so hard to get
And losing him
And god, I love him. I do.
Losing this feeling
I am so tired of being afraid.

Walking downtown
Past the OATC
Sorry looks from a couple of guys hanging around outside
As I walked by wearing a sweatshirt, hood up
In 104 degree weather
I am freezing
"Hang in there, man"
There is strength in numbers.

Had coffee
Feeling worse
Sitting outside on the patio
No way I can walk home.
Listen to the alkies at the bar next door
Slurring about whatever
Junkies across the street near the clinic
Crazy guy yelling on the street corner.
Man, this worlds so broken.

I am burning up

Text Cam
"Can u drive me home? I'm sorry. I'm really sick"
Where r u?

Arrives in 10 minutes
Rolls me into the car
And back home we go

Home and counting my blessings
Thank God for bathrooms
For showers
For air conditioning
For Gatorade
And tea
And oranges
And this chair
And that blanket
And you
And him

If I think of enough good I maybe can forget the bad
For a minute

Take some pills and fall asleep for a bit
I dream of trains and air raid sirens
And wake up confused and sick

But he's still here
With tea and toast
And a guitar
Sings me a stupid song
Which makes me laugh
It's hard to say what it is I see in you
No doubt, my friend.

I want I want I want
I want to go score
Oh man
I do.

I want to crawl out of my skin

I am the man of seemingly infinite chances
Already been dead
21 years ago
Till some well meaning doctor shocked me back into normal sinus rhythm

I guess that's life.
Chance after chance to make things right.

29 hours clean

And I'm sorry for this non poem
I couldn't bear to put this anywhere else

#441123 - 07/17/13 07:15 AM Re: Day One [Re: bey]
victor-victim Offline

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6387
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
an honest train-of-thought narrative that keeps you rooting for the hero all the way through!

i support you 100% in your effort to kick it.
i suffer the same way every time i try to rid my life of unwanted unhealthy and downright harmful addictions.

this is something we share.
this eternal internal struggle.

your writing describes it perfectly.


#441227 - 07/18/13 03:56 AM Re: Day One [Re: bey]
bey Offline

Registered: 01/28/10
Posts: 447
Loc: canada
Thanks smile
Update: still clean, feeling ok. 2 days in.
And ya, addiction is addiction. Something to control the uncontrollable with.
And kicking is always a challenge.
Thanks for your kind words


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